Airplane cell phone users should be segregated

The solution for what to do about cell phones on commercial jetliners is simple. Those who wish to discuss their personal and professional life on the plane can purchase premium-priced seats in a sealed pod. Maybe the cell fee would slow airline ticket price rises for the rest of us. It’s just like the old days when they had smoking and no-smoking areas in public places, before smoking was banned almost everywhere. Second-hand conversation is not as deadly to physical health as second-hand conversation, but mental health of other passengers is at risk. Flying used to be a get-away-from-it-all experience. Now, in-flight movies and cell phone yakking on the tarmac have brought intrusions. In-flight cell phone use could shatter what peace is left. Already, like smoke drifting into the no-smoking area, you might be ready for a nap or reading a book while waiting to board and suddenly the guy next to you will start tensely discussing spreadsheet reports or merger tactics. Annoying. Or you’ll hear all about someone’s dysfunctional family member. On Oct. 31 this past autumn, Halloween, U.S. Department of Transportation’s Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) Administrator Michael Huerta announced: “that the FAA has determined that airlines can safely expand passenger use of Portable Electronic Devices (PEDs) during all phases of flight...” The FAA press release said the decision was based on “input from a group of experts that included representatives from the airlines, aviation manufacturers, passengers, pilots, flight attendants, and the mobile technology industry.” I would bet you the mobile technology industry had the most influence at the table. Airlines are now apparently weighing their options. When I first saw the news, I assumed I might be the only person on the planet groaning. I’ve just never taken to cellular telephones (who spells this word out now anyway) or other mobile digital devices more powerful than the banks of computers that sent man to the moon. Confession time: I do carry an inexpensive cell phone for emergencies and sometimes I even burn off the minutes before the service days run out. However, I am not addicted like so many I know. But alas, I am very gratified to know I am not alone in my revulsion toward cell phone conversations ringing out in an airplane cabin or murmuring in the adjacent seat. Immediately after the FAA announcement the press ran stories quoting those opposed. Since the announcement, not a week goes by without a letter to the editor or a funny editorial cartoon in The Kansas City Star that agrees with my point of view (or hearing). We are, however, an unorganized and unfunded bunch. The technology industry would like to sell more gizmos and they have plenty of money to lobby and pummel. Airlines are likely watching one another to see who blinks first in allowing phones and what the public response is. Barring more technology advances, I think we’ll see airplanes overflowing with digital device use, and a major increase in grumpiness among passengers. I was grumpy during an incredibly long flight to Alaska when my neighboring passenger, a giant of a man physically but a peewee mentally, watched one inane show after another on the screen that folded down from the back of the seat. Earbuds did not stop the sound and light flashing from the screen pierced closed eyelids. Of course, the biggest reason for offering viewing is to provide the airline a chance to sell advertising that comes with the programming, as if any of us need more of that. Invasion of our personal audible airspace by mobile digital tormentors is likely unstoppable. Somehow I keep seeing oxygen masks dropping down from over the seat. So many times we’ve all seen the stewardess demonstrate the correct technique for putting the mask over our mouth and nose to save our lives should the flight experience a sudden loss of cabin pressure. There’s also the flotation device that’s part of the seat. I’d like to think that if cell phones are allowed everywhere on an airliner, that those using them would be required to do so with soundproof helmets that they can rent. But I doubt if we’ll be that lucky. I can feel the TSA agent’s eyes boring into me now as he asks, “Sir, what are you doing with those wads of cotton in your pockets?”